STRONGER EVERY TIME

SHARE YOUR STORY SERIES: A journey through three knee surgeries, KNOWING WHEN TO LEAN ON OTHERS, AND COMING BACK STRONGER

---

MY NAME IS RUBY MAY & THIS IS MY STORY

DII Soccer Player | Western Washington University | TAC Ambassador 

The First Tear: Facing the Unknown

In April of 2023, during the end of my junior year of high school, I tore my ACL. It was terrifying news that came with a lot of change and unknowns. I was devastated. Not just unknowns within my ACL recovery process, but also unknowns within my identity and how I was going to mentally get through it.

There was an overwhelming amount of information and decisions that had to be made, which led to a lot of stress and anxiety. The road seemed long and it was difficult to see how I was going to get through it. After many hours of researching and speaking to my family and mentors, I concluded that the best path forward was to do everything my physical therapists assigned me to do and to stay positive.

For me, “staying positive” was a reminder that helped focus on what I could do, rather than what I was not able to do. When I was fresh out of surgery and could not walk or stand for long periods of time, I focused on what this stage gave me. It gave me additional time with my family. It brought me crafts and movie nights with friends. It gave me a reminder of how my community cares for me.

Even though the first month was physically painful and exhausting, I knew it was the first step needed to get to my end goal of getting back onto the field. I strived to keep that mindset for each step of my recovery—through being able to run again but no soccer, soccer but non-contact, contact but no games, and games but limited minutes. This is not to say that I was perfect at that mindset, but gratitude helped me bounce back to a healthier, more positive frame of mind during the most challenging times.

Although I had long-term goals, focusing on what I could do each day to reach them is what kept me going. My recovery took a bit longer than I expected in terms of getting “soccer fit.”  I decided to redshirt my freshman year at Western Washington University so I could continue improving my fitness and gaining confidence that I lacked.

During post-season winter and spring training, I finally felt like myself as a player again. After our game against the University of Portland, I felt so fulfilled and proud of myself for how far I had come. I was one week away from being two years since surgery and little did I know I would tear the same ACL again in a couple of days.

The Second Tear: A Different Kind of Devastation

The second tear was something I never saw coming. After coming back to the field, I had never felt stronger and never doubted my knee. I found myself just as devastated as the first time, but for different reasons.

I had put in all the work, did everything my physical therapists told me to do, even took extra time to get fit, just for it to tear again. A loop was playing through my head: If this one tore again and I did nothing wrong, then what will stop it from happening again? I will say, that was a dangerous question I kept asking myself.

Then I realized I had over a year to prepare for the fall season. I was already ready to take this on, and I knew that the time I was given would be plenty. Instead of asking that dangerous question, I turned it to: if I have done it before, I can do it again.

I also learned to remind myself that just because it tore again, I shouldn’t think of the first recovery as a failure. Sometimes things just happen even when you do everything right.

Two Surgeries, Three Months Apart

Upon imaging and appointments with my surgeon, I received hard news that I would need to have two surgeries, three months apart, in order to repair my ACL. To make a very complicated and long story short, the first surgery was operated on my femur and tibia, and the second surgery was the actual ACL repair that I have done before, but this time with a different graft, of course.

By this point, I had already accepted the fact that I would have to go through the surgery again. Hearing that I needed to add three more months to let the bone heal was the hardest pill to swallow. If you have had an injury with a recovery time as long as what is required with an ACL reconstruction, then you know how frustrating an additional three months can be. It was gut-wrenching to hear this news, but I knew I could do it because I was mentally stronger having already been through the first recovery.

Mental Challenges and Small Victories

The second recovery brought so many more mental challenges in some ways, but mental relief in others. This time, I knew exactly what to expect and to do during the recovery process. I had built a foundation for myself, and now all I had to do was focus on my mental health.

Leaning on my friends and family proved to be what helped me get through the many challenging times during this recovery. It was also helpful to focus on all the small victories along the way.

Regaining Confidence and Helping Others

I have always been an independent person, and throughout my knee injuries, I have navigated my headspace myself while heavily leaning on my family through the toughest times. Through this process, I realized that the one aspect of my game that I am missing since my injuries is confidence.

This lack of confidence does not come from the fear of tearing another ACL, which may be a surprise to people who know or hear about my story. Rather for me, it’s tied to holding onto my past identity as a soccer player, expectations, and the concept of potential that tend to weigh me down.

These are complicated feelings, and I sought help from a sports psychologist. This has been really valuable, and I believe it will lead me to a confidence-boosting edge that was missing after my first ACL recovery.

My Message to Those Facing a Similar Challenge

If you're reading this and going through something similar, I hope that sharing my story will inspire you to know that you can get through this, and what I've learned through my journey can help guide you through yours. What I discovered is that staying positive by focusing only on what I can control: my rehab, my mindset, my daily effort, and celebrating every small win makes all the difference.

I also learned to not be afraid to lean on my teammates, coaches, family and friends when I need it most; asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. I made my mental health a priority throughout the process because healing my mind is just as crucial as healing my body. Most importantly, reminding myself of every challenge I've already conquered in my life. I emerged from my injury not just healed, but stronger, wiser, and ready for anything. You can do the same and you have the power to come out of this not just recovered, but as the strongest version of yourself you've ever been.