LIVING BEYOND LABELS: FROM SOFTBALL TO SPEAKING

SHARE YOUR STORY SERIES: Invisible struggles & rebuilding with purpose

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MY NAME IS Kelsey O’Connor & THIS IS MY STORY

DI Softball Player | TAC Ambassador 

I started playing softball at seven years old, and very quickly it became completely connected to who I was. As I grew and deepened my love for the sport, I dreamed of playing in college and committed to that dream early. I would wake up at 4 a.m. to train before school, spend weekends traveling the country for tournaments, and send hundreds of recruiting emails. Eventually, all of that hard work paid off. I committed to my dream school, North Carolina State, where I would study social work and play Division I ACC softball.

But my identity wasn’t tied only to the field. I was just as proud of the student side of being a student-athlete. I worked hard for good test scores, was a Dean’s Scholar and honors student, and was even published in the International Journal of Humanities and Social Sciences as a freshman. I volunteered consistently, and service was a large part of my life throughout high school and college. I poured myself into academics and service the same way I did softball. In many ways, though, my worth felt tied to all that I was achieving and doing.

Then, in the fall of 2021, that all changed.

During practice, I collided with a teammate while sliding into second base. Instead of making a lane on either side of the base path, she came straight through to turn a double play. Her knee hit my face first, leaving me with a severe concussion, along with neck and jaw injuries. Unfortunately, I had experienced multiple concussions before, so I knew instantly this one was much worse. Over the next few weeks, it became a gradual yet abrupt ending to the sport I loved. After seeing several doctors, it became clear that I needed to medically retire or risk permanent damage — if I didn’t already have it.

I ultimately retired, and just days later, my recovery was set back even further after a car accident left me with severe whiplash.

Everything I had built my identity on felt lost. I was in pain constantly, shuffling between doctors, unable to handle bright lights or loud sounds. I struggled with brain fog and confusion. Emails began coming in about failing my classes while I struggled to read, write, and even articulate my thoughts. I was stuttering my words and struggling to even speak clearly. I had braces put back on for the second time to fix my jaw. Not only was my athletic identity gone, but the identity I had built as a student, a volunteer, and even my personality began to change because of the depth of my emotional symptoms. I felt unrecognizable.

What made it even harder was that, because I “looked fine” on the outside, my injury wasn’t always treated with kindness or understanding. It was invisible, and invisible struggles are often the hardest for people to see or believe. That lack of support from my softball program and even some teammates added another layer of loss to an already painful season.

Imagine being on a plane with no phone, no book, no distractions, and time moving ten times slower. That is what a concussion recovery feels like. Recovery meant stillness. No screens. No reading. No noise. All I could really do was be.

In that stillness, I realized something important. I had been living like a human doing, tying my value to output and performance, and I had forgotten how to live as a human being. And that being was enough.

I wanted to believe the phrase that “work is what you do; it doesn’t define who you are.” But then, what does define me? When so much felt out of my control, I needed a framework — a way to take responsibility for how I wanted to move forward.

That’s when I made a resolution to rebuild my identity beyond labels. I even have it dated in my phone. I realized that to heal the way I saw myself, I first had to change the way I saw others. So instead of describing people by what they did, I started describing them by three things:

• Their attitude

• How they treat others

• What makes them uniquely beautiful

When I practiced this with the people around me, I began to slowly believe it for myself. That shift helped me see that the qualities I admired in others — their resilience, their kindness, their humor, their discipline, their energy, and their heart — I also began to recognize the intangible qualities I had developed through the things I had done.

The next year wasn’t easy, but it was transformative. I found new friendships that reminded me of the importance of community. I discovered new ways to show up in the world. And in 2023, my life changed again.

In the spring of 2023, I applied on a whim to speak at NC State’s commencement ceremony. I recorded a blurry application video sitting on my floor in a t-shirt. To my surprise, the school chose me, and I delivered the speech to nearly 20,000 people. That speech ended up going viral online, reaching over 70 million people across more than 27 countries.

The most meaningful part hasn’t been the numbers. It has been the messages from people of all different ages and walks of life who told me my story gave them permission to see themselves beyond their labels too. Since then, I have traveled the country speaking at conferences, universities, schools, businesses, and even to national champion athletic teams. I have also gone back to school and become a mental performance coach.

That is why I am so honored to be an ambassador for Athlete Confidential and to be part of their mission of supporting athletes as humans first.

Your true value goes beyond the things you do and beyond the circumstances you face. Every day, we have the opportunity to decide who we want to be: through our attitude, how we treat others, and the unique qualities we bring into the world.